I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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