toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
