Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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