The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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