he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
