well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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