You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
