There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
