I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just googled if crying burns calories
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So much Jack, so little girl.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
