I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
