Old men and throwing up are my life now.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
