either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
