i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
