dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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