Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
