No stitches, just platelets and will power
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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