I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
