I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize