Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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