my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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