YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
