As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
