Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize