Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
