whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
