what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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