I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
