We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
