Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
