I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
