Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
