i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
