He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize