girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
