i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
please don't ironically join a cult
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