It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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