ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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