I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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