think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
