I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
