I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
