yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize