tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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