I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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