This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize