Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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