oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
