Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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