Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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