I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize