I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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