I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
