Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
