I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
