And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
