i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
