Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
