guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
