No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
