Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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