Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
