Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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