The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just found puke in my bra..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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