do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
