When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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