Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
