i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
