Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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