my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
