I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's always time for handjobs
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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