I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
