im having a threesome with these popsicles
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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