it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
