I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
