dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
