dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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