I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize