I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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