Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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