I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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