i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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