now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
