I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
