ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
