I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
