i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
