she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
