And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
