im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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