You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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