I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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