bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
