I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
