WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
