quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize