I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he fucked my hip out of place.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
