Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I can text with my tongue
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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