I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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