One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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