Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
