someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
