I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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