You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my poor anus
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
