It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
