So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
