I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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