I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
