Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Pants are for mortals
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
