Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
