I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
