I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize