just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
