I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
