My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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