He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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