Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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