he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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