I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
