Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize