don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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