i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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